Sometimes I long for death

Don't take me wrong; I am not a person who obsesses with death and dying.  I prefer living than dying.  But sometimes I am looking forward to a day when everything is over, when I've finished my own journey and get to be home with my God. 

I want to report to Him, "I've completed the work You've entrusted me with".  And I want to hear from Him, "Well done, my faithful servant!"

Muc Su Thach told me that in the Middle Age, people took the view that living is to prepare to die well.  That view, and perhaps my longing too, was shaped by people like Paul, who wrote:

For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer. I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you. [Phil. 1:21-24, RSV]

For Paul, death is better for himself, but life is better for the people around him.  So he chose to live, for others.  On the other hand, most of us afraid of death and prefer life because we want to live for ourselves.  Keep that up and as each day passing by, we would be terrified more and more as we move closer to the grave.

Christ Jesus, since I am remaining on this earth anyway, makes my life counts for others.

On other stuffs:

• Last Saturday I had a chance to squeeze a few hours into Intervarsity IGNITE 05 conference.  Doug Schaupp (who used to be Gary's UCLA IV boss), was very good.  Read his report on some of his work here.  He was speaking in the morning session on Mark 4:26-29 and challenge some of my thinking about scattering the seeds wider, about watching and waiting, about discerning the growth and about putting in the sickle.  Then after so other errants, I caught a great bible study from Ryan about following up new believers based on Acts 9.  From what he show me, I think there are a lot more we need to improve in that area.  Ryan promised to email me some more training materials on it.  Then many of us get together and discuss some more about the postmodern context of our world today and its implication to communicate the good news of God to people.  Fascinate discussion, especially the underlining point about vulverability and Doug's pondering about following Jesus when his life become much more "complicated" with family, 3 kids, mortgage and the other mundance things.  I wish I could get together with Doug to compare our notes as we hack through life issues in following Jesus.
• There were tons of people at our fellowship group last Saturday - I had to get more grocery for Jenney in the middle of the meeting.  But then on Sunday we didn't see a lot of people there.  Any explaination?
• Church board meeting was long.  There were way too much administrative issues to deal with, and they meet only once a month...  Pray for us to figure out the leadership mechanic as our English Worship becoming a "church" without all of the unproductive overhead of the "institution".  We just want to become a community of people who share the same vision of faith.
• Last week someone donate a large amount to our English Ministry.  Please pray for that seed would become fruitful and advance the work of God among us.