Handouts from Jim Burns on "Keeping Your Ministry and Marriage Healthy"

[Note: things in square brackets are my comments, not in the handouts ] Page 1: Your Marriage and Ministry

1. Your greatest ministry is your marriage
2. Over-commitment and fatigue; the number one problem in youth ministry marriage [Jim has the practice of having your wife approve his schedule; Dave Liverpool has another couple over see their schedule].
3. Spouse involvement? [in the ministry with you, not in ministry, in another ministry]
4. Communication [this is why date night is important]
5. Sex!
6. Finances, ministry and marriage
7. Growing spiritually in your marriage
8. What about children?

Page 2: 10 Traits for a Healthy Ministry family

1. The Power of Being There: Your children regard your very presence as a sign of caring and connectedness
2. Express Affirmation, Warmth and Encouragement: Parents who practice AWE-based parenting, as opposed to shame-based parenting, will create a home where children and spouses feel more secure.
3. Build Healthy Morals and Values: The decision kids make today will often affect them for the rest of their lives.
4. Discipline with Consistency: Clearly expressed expectations and consistent follow-through produce responsible kids.
5. Ruthlessly Eliminate Stress: The unbalanced life will not be kind to the areas we neglect.
6. Communication is the Key: Posititive communication is the language of love for our children
7. Play is Necessary for a Close-Knit Family: There is nothing like play to bring about family togetherness and communication.
8. Love Your Spouse: A loving marriage brings hope and security to the children.
9. The Best Things in Life are not Things: Healthy stewardship and sound financial decisions produce positive family priorities.
10. Energize Your Family's Spiritual Growth: Your greatest calling in life is to leave a spiritual legacy for your children.

Page 3: Communication Questions and Issues [probably a list use to make sure you cover everything in communication with your spouse]

A. Issues

• Goals... Thoughts... Worries... Hopes... Dreams
• Our Relationship
• The Ministry
• Spiritual
• Sex
• Family:
• -- Children
• -- In-laws
• -- Other
• Financial
• Education
• Physical
• Spouse's Needs
• Fears
• Other Issues

B. Complete These Sentences

• Sometimes I becomed blocked in our relationship when...
• Sometimes I feel angry when...
• Sometimes when I am happy, I ...
• One of the things I wish you knew more about me is...
• If I could be sure no one would laugh at me...
• Ever since I was a child...

Page 4: His Needs / her Needs [Probably going down this list and mark "his" or "her"]

• Sexual Fulfillment
• Recreational Companionship
• An Attractive Spouse
• Domestic Support
• Admiration
• Affection
• Conversation
• Honesty and Openness
• Financial Support
• Family Commitment

Page 5:

The Five Languages of Love:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

1. What are your two primary languages of love? ______________ and ____________
2. What are your spouse's two primary languages of love? ____________ and __________

Making Love Last Forever

Be sure you are making more "deposits" into the well-being of your spouse/children than "withdrawals". (A "deposit" is anything positive and security-producing that gives your spouse/children energy. A "withdrawal" is anything sad or negative that drains energy from your spouse/children.

1. What are ways you can make more deposits in your spouse's/children's account?
2. What deposits do you wish you could receive from your spouse/children?
3. Identify ways you are making withdrwals from your spouse/children account.

Page 6: Jim & Cathy Weekly Meeting [sample list of stuff they discuss about]

• Devotional time for the week
• Greatest joy of the week
• Greatest struggles
• An affirmation
• A wish or hope
• Physical goals
• Prayer
• Book of the month

[Beside this, remember this from Urbana 90's seminar on Ministry and Marriage: "Ministry is God's call for a certain time, marriage is God's call for the whole life time."]