Not Sadness vs. Joy, but Sadness & Joy

Sometimes, I wrote stuff and buried them deep somewhere. And then other sometimes I ran into similar situations which old writing were describing exactly how I feel, and I dig old stuff up to soak in my old thinking and to figure out some new light. One of the recurring problem I often encountered is spiritual casualty. It's what happened when people back slide or die spiritually. More than a year ago, I wrote this in private...

Oct. 28, 2003

Last Saturday I found my high school pastor[1] playing the piano in the corner of an empty room in the dark. She was crying. I sat down with her and found out what was wrong. One of her top student leader was just finish talking to her, stating the intention of back slide out of church. All a long, the student was doing great, leading small group, facilitating bible studies, participating regularly in the leadership discipleship group... And now this, making a consciencious decision to drop out of church, stop following Christ. We still wonder why... But my pastor was heart-broken. She invested so much time into this particular student (and she was the girl's mentor). She regreted "If only I saw the signs early on...", and sobbed. I tried to comfort her. I reminded her about the Ultimate Shepherd, who were ultimately supposed to look after the sheep. We remembered another tragic casualty of another leader who left our leadership team just to date a non-Christian bachelor. We talked about the time Jesus allowing Lazarus to die before He making him live again... But words seem to be so inadequated in situation like this...

Now, the same feeling is flooding through again. Like a doctor witnessing a patient died, I think anyone who serve in ministry sooner or later will encountered spiritual casualty sooner or later.

In those times, part of you wanna cry, "It would be great that I wouldn't care so that I won't feel hurt so much." But that's part of the package. Love is Inherently Tragic![2] When we chose to love, we chose the possibility to be rejected. When we chose to marry, or to have kids, we chose the possibility that we could bury them someday, as part of the package. In the same way, when we chose to minister to people, we will also chose the pain that go with it as well.

Once we understand this, then we also understand the question of, "Why would God created humankind, while He knows fully that they are capable of betraying Him?" Once we understand this, then we could understand how is it that Jesus could be "the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world." [Rev.13:8]

But we, the people of God are not called to be depressing people! One of my recent personal reading was from Isaiah 9:1-4, where Isaiah toldforth...

But there will be no gloom for those who were in anguish. In the former time he brought into contempt the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the latter time he will make glorious the way of the sea, the land beyond the Jordan, Galilee of the nations. The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness on them light has shined. You have multiplied the nation, you have increased its joy; they rejoice before you as with joy at the harvest, as people exult when dividing plunder. For the yoke of their burden, and the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor, you have broken as on the day of Midian.

And so, when Jesus was found walking the sea of Galilee [in Mat.4:12-17], the author of the Gospel, realized this is the beginning of the great joy of God, poured out to humankind (the gentile).

I have the tendency to be too serious, sober and depressed. And the lesson I need to learn is to cross over from sadness to joy. Recently, I have been studied (yep, study) about hapiness. Mark Robert, a friend of my professor had this long (11-parts) post about the theology of happiness, which I finally finished reading. And somehow I think that sadness and suffering is also an inherent part of joy as well. Does it make any sense?

Lord Jesus, help us to understand the life you had in mind for us, so that we can live like what you want us to live.